Ministries

Relentless
The Power You Need to Never Give Up

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In a world where sexual indulgence seems to be the accepted norm, what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman? Those are not the first questions that come to mind when thinking about the sexual challenges facing individuals today. Most Christians focus on controlling what seems to be out-of-control sexual behaviors that the rest of society has given up on. But the core challenges are more than what meets the eye. The most important sexual challenges go much deeper.

The concept of biblical counseling is a topic of much debate. While some may want to limit it to merely prescribing Scriptures to help people get better, biblical counseling is far more extensive and engaging.

Everyone wants to be liked. However, what often begins as a good desire to be liked or to please can degenerated into allowing the opinions and evaluations of others to determine who we are and how we relate. Learning how to recognize how much power the opinions of others have over us is vital to living primarily to please God, not others.

Judgment is a part of living in a world with other people who are constantly evaluating everything about who you are and what you do. The key to handling the judgment of others well is learning to evaluate their comments in the light of God's ultimate evaluation of who we are and how we relate.

People consistently make judgments about things, ideas, and other people all the time. The question is whether or not they are being judgmental in the process. Understanding the difference between a judgmental attitude that leads to pride and a healthy discernment that leads to wisdom is essential for a maturing Christian.

The accusation of being judgmental is thrown around a lot in today's culture. Having an opposing opinion is not being judgmental. Imposing your opinion on others is. There is a clear difference between being judgmental and being discerning. Wise discernment doesn't dismiss or demean others who hold to different values, but neither does it compromise sound biblical values just because they are unpopular.

Rejection is never pain-free. If it is, then you've steeled yourself to never allow anyone to really get close to you. However, honestly facing the pain of rejection from others--especially those you care about--can lead you to see more clearly whose opinion matters the most to you.

Forgiveness is a necessity for any meaningful relationship to last for more than a day. The reason is because we are so poor at loving well. Forgiving those who hurt us for the pain that we can't forget is part of the ongoing gift of grace in relationships. But forgiveness is not just a verbal proclamation; it's an on-going process of restoration.

Controlling relationships are always disconcerting and chaotic. That's what controllers do--they uses chaos and confusion to maintain the power over others. It takes help to get away from the controller long enough to talk about the issues involved and to establish a plan for addressing the issues in a way that provides a reasonable level of safety for all involved.

Being in a relationship with a person who is controlling is not only frustrating but counterproductive. Sometimes those people are not able or willing to see or admit that their control is sabotaging the relationship. Understanding your impact on others you are in relationship with is vital for exposing and dealing with control issues.

Boundaries in a relationship can be easily misunderstood and even misused. Understanding the difference between healthy boundaries and selfishly demanding one's rights can lead to mutual love and respect in any relationship.

Many couples affirm that their spouse is their best friend. While a part of that is wonderful, are we asking our spouses to bear too much? Even more importantly, is it loving to tell our spouse everything? What does a loving relationship really require? Sometimes it's better for a man to have another man to talk with rather than overwhelm his wife with his struggles. Most women agree that they need another woman or two with whom they can share their secrets and the struggles that just are not

Meaningful relationships require vulnerability and authenticity in order to grow close. However, the question of how much vulnerability is needed is one open for debate. Authenticity must first begin in one's relationship with God before it can spill over in healthy ways in relationships with a few close and trusted friends.

People long for close, meaningful relationships. However, people are also afraid of getting close, being seen, and then being discarded. They don't feel safe at church because it historically hasn't been a grace-filled community where it's safe to struggle well with the battles of life.

People long for deeply meaningful relationships. However, they also demand a kind of safety that insures that they never experience the pain of rejection or heartbreak. There in lies the rub because the safety we demand and closeness that we crave can't occupy the same space. Relationships require risk in both areas if they're ever going to go deep.

While much literature has been written about relationships over the last 50 years, most will agree that good relationships don't just happen. They're built carefully and intentionally. That's why it's important to learn what it takes to build a healthy relationship from the start.

Pornography is one of the most common forms of betrayal in marriages today. And while it may seem to be far less damaging than a full blown affair, the devastation left in it's wake should never be minimized. Wrestling through this form of betrayal is a process that takes significant time and commitment from both spouses.

Why is adultery and infidelity hardly ever associated with the word "sin" today? Whether it's the stories we hear in small groups at church or what we see on the television or at the theater, sex for immediate pleasure has become the highest priority. The idea that God has something bigger and even more pleasurable to offer to those who are faithful isn't even an afterthought.

All couples bring baggage into a relationship. The baggage from our own personal backgrounds as well as our commitment to selfish fulfillment with our spouse often results in difficulties in sexual intimacy in the marriage. Our baggage must be unpacked in order for there to be a chance at meaningful sexual intimacy.